My lil joke collection

Grandma 100 Years Birthday The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A nephew who arrived late came running up to Grandma and said, Hi Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you? Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew, They won't let me fart

School Group Photo The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'That's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, And there's the teacher; , she's dead. lol

CA man walks iA man cA guy was employed in a multi-national oil company, his first day in office, he has waited longer than ussual for his launch to be served. So he decided to call the canteen extension, but out of furiouxity he called the M.D's extention. Check out the following conversation. Employee: Can you crazy guys serve me my launch? M.D: You are crazy, do you know whom you are talking to? Employee: No M.D: this is the M.D Employee: Do you know whom you are talking to? M.D: No Employee: o! thank God, and he quitely drop. ............................................................................................. A man came home from work one day and his wife asked him to fix the toilet. The man says "who? do i look like the plumber?" and never fixed it, The man comes home the next day and his wife asks him to fix the garbage disposal. The man says "who? do i look like a blad specialist?" and never fixed it, The man comes home the next day and his wife asks him to fix the refrigerator. The man says "who? do i look like the Maytag repair man?" and never fixed it, man comes home the next day and his wife told him she hired someone to fix the fridge, someone to fix the garbage disposal, and someone to fix the toilet. The man asks his wife "how much did it cost?" His wife says "i had to either bake them a cake or have sex with them." The man asks his wife "what kinda cake did you bake them?" the wife says "who do i look like Betty Crocker?"nto a New York City bank and says he wants to borrow $2,000 for three weeks. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says "I've got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off -- here are the keys." The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gives the man $2,000. Three weeks later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $2,000 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains possession of the Rolls Royce. The loan officer asks him, "Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two thousand dollars?" The man answers, "I had to go to Europe for three weeks, and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollars?"hange of Underwear .................................................................................................................................. The men of Charlie Company had been in the field for two weeks when the Sarge announces, I've got good news and bad news. First the good news. Today we're going to change our underwear. The troops started cheering at the news. Now the bad news. Smith, you change with Jones. Andrews, you change with Murphy,